Why did I quit Playa Hatin'?

So I have a confession to make. If you've read the title of this week's blog you may have already figured it out. But for those of you who were simply to busy to waste your time with it, I'll tell you now. I am a recovering Playa Hata. Yes, it's true. I'm a little ashamed to admit it. However, admitting that you have a problem is the first step towards recovery.

I would also like to mention that this self-diagnosis occurred many years ago. And that since then, I've come to not only stop hatin' the Playas, but also to (dare I say) love the Playas. And even, learn a trick or two for myself.

But it wasn't all wine and roses. Cheese and Crackers. Peanut Butter and Jelly. (I'll stop now) Nor was it always about hatin' the Playas either. In fact, when I look back on it, before I had developed my unfortunate condition, I actually stood in open admiration of the Playa. In fact, they were my gods. I looked up to them. Begged them to teach me their ways. Many of them were kind and would try to offer me esoteric advice that I couldn't possibly understand at the time. Things like, "It's all in how you play the game," or, "You just got to know it," or, "Just don't think about it."


While I've admired and respected their attempts to be helpful, I honestly didn't know what any of that fucking meant. I mean really. These, "Riddles of the Sphinx," and Zen Koans just weren't cutting it. I needed some step by step, detailed answers. But I would not be discouraged. I felt that one day, with time, I would truly be able to call these people my brothers.


Sadly, this would not be the case. At least not for a much longer while. Unfortunately for me, I started to give in to the feelings that led to the path of the dark side of the force. Fear. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. All useless and petty emotions that possess unhealthy and destructive consequences.


I think that this shift in my thinking started when I began to surround myself with a much more, how shall I say, "ignorant," group of people. It went down like this, after a series of unfortunate events, I chose to seek employment in the service industry. And since I had very little experience, the best possible job that I could get was as a bartender at an Applebee's in downtown Brooklyn. (Please stop laughing so that I can finish my story)


Now, I don't want to say that this establishment was, "ghetto," but I will put it to you this way: It was one of the few places where the bar clientele would consistently ask for alcoholic drinks to be placed in a, "To Go," cup. Where people routinely complained that their BananaBerry Splits didn't have enough of an alcohol taste. Where the patrons would quite often ring up a $100 bar tab and proceed to tip $5.


This was also an establishment where many (But not all, I did make some very good friends there) of the employees had a distinct habit of boasting about what they had. (Whether it was true or not) They also had a very distinct habit of making you feel less than stellar about yourself if you did not possess certain skillz. And I have to admit (it wouldn't be my blog if I wasn't admitting something) that my very delicate and fragile ego was not really strong enough to handle such critiques. And as time passed, and the boasting became more overt and more frequent, I began to grow more bitter and more resentful. And my journey to the dark side had been complete.


But thankfully, I was able to turn it around. It began my getting out of that horrendous situation and moving on to something that I could feel a little more proud of. Also, it involved connecting more with my actual friends. The people who were on my side. The people whose opinions actually mattered. The people who didn't mind being supportive once in a while. (Even when they're busting your balls)


I also continued to seek help in various self-help books and makeover shows on TV (See: Why did I ever wear tapered jeans?) and pretty soon I was able to feel confident in myself and was able to achieve some success.


Now, here's the M. Knight Shamalan-ian twist that I gonna bust out on you. When I use the term, "Playa," I'm not simply referring to the gentleman who has a lot of luck with the ladies. Au contraire. I also refer to the man or woman that just seems to have that ability to get what he or she wants all the time. That skilled business person. That resourceful entrepreneur. The notable figure. Yes my friends, these are all Playas and I was Hatin' on all of them.


The reason that I bring this up is that fairly recently, I've had the opportunity to see a few of my friends, and friends of friends, and even some guy I went to high school with, enjoy a certain level of success. And that's wonderful. That's great. I truly am happy for all of them.


But wait. What's that in the corner of my soul? Why, it's probably nothing. Maybe some bad Chinese food? No. It has a distinct ring of something familiar. Something I've felt before. Yes. I believe it may be a tiny ounce of, "Haterade."


Well that simply will not do. Just because others are having success doesn't mean that it can't happen for me as well. I think back to one of the quotes from my Playa gurus, "You've got to fake it until you make it."


Yes! I get it now. I understand. It's all made sense. Again. But that's okay. The really important lessons take a little bit longer to learn. Basically, I must continue to act as if I have everything that I want. I must be clear about what it is that I want. I must continue to take the steps to make what I want happen. And according to the Law of Attraction (my new religion), the happier I am for every one's success, the more that success will come back to me. And besides, who wants to hang around, work with, or provide opportunities for a, "Grumpy Gus," anyway? Not me. That's for sure.


"He's beginning to believe."

--Morpheus