Why did I quit smoking? (The Remix)

On October 15, 2006 I made the commitment to quit smoking. And I have stuck to that commitment. Absolutely. 100% committed to the quitting of smoking. However, I can't say that on October 15, 2006 was the last time that I had a cigarette. Well, I could say that but that would be a lie now wouldn't it. The fact of the matter is, I've had a few relapses over the past year and a half.

A few months ago, a friend of mine was in town and we all got together for dinner and drinks. After the meal, another friend of mine, who still smokes, asks me if I'd like to have a cigarette with him. I, having not had a cigarette in I don't know how long, agreed to join him. Upon my return, my friend who was visiting (who is one of the 8 fans of this blog) stated that the original, "Why did I quit smoking," blog should have been entitled, "Why did I quit smoking but don't believe this blog because it's a bunch of lies."

It is now, through the power of the Internet, that I will respond to this gross and unfair accusation. My counterpoint is quite simply this: Quitting smoking is hard. That's it. I really shouldn't have to say anymore. But since I am a bit notorious for elaborating, I will elaborate. You see, this isn't the first time that I've actually tried to quit smoking. Oh no my friends, I am a veteran at quitting. In fact, I've tried to quit smoking about 8 times over the past 15 years or so.

Here's the thing, (and brace yourself for this startling bit of news) everybody who smokes knows that it's bad for you. They know that it's bad for other people, they know that it's unhealthy, they know that it's taking years off of your life, they know that it is reducing the quality of life. Smokers know all of this shit. And yet the non-smokers seem to cop a, "holier than thou," as well as a, "smarter than thou," attitude about the whole thing.

But here's another little newsflash for you. Smoking is both an addiction and a habit. That means that not only are smokers physically addicted to the nicotine, but they are psychological link to the physical action of smoking. Again, I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.

So here's the million dollar question: Why do smokers catch so much shit? I go from a pack a day habit, to one or two cigarettes when I'm out having a drink. Which is incredibly rare. Even though it's been over a year, it's still a struggle. Even though, on those rare occasions that I have smoked, I've actually hated it, it's still a struggle. It's still incredibly difficult to quit. And yet, I seriously think that I would garner more sympathy from non-smokers if I were relapsing on a crack-cocaine addiction.

Over the course of the 8 times previous that I've tried to quit smoking, there was one constant factor that didn't allow me to get over the hump. During the times that I would get the "shakes" from the withdrawal so badly that I had to break down and smoke a cigarette, I would always tell myself, "See. You just smoked a cigarette. You can't do this. You might as well just keep smoking." Well that attitude has changed. Now I'm saying that just because I've had an occasional cigarette (even if it adds up to one pack over one year) it doesn't mean that I have to give up on my original commitment. It doesn't mean that I can't do it. It is not a reflection of my weakness. It is a reflection of how fucking difficult it is to give up such a nasty habit. It's a multi-billion dollar a year industry. I don't think it's something that you can just let go quite so easily. If it were, then everyone would have done it.

Normally, I like to make this blog solely about me but I will make this tiny exception. A few months ago my grandmother was hospitalized for about 3 days. It turned out that she was fine. The point is that she's been a smoker for at least 50 years. And during those 3 days she mentioned to me that she didn't really feel the need for a cigarette. And yet, as soon as she got home from the hospital, the first thing she did was light one up. So even a practically lifelong smoker like my grandmother still has thoughts in the back of her mind about quitting. I mean seriously. Smoking is one twisted habit and addiction.

Now back to me. The most important thing is that smoking isn't an integral part of my life anymore. When I was a habitual smoker, every decision I made about my life revolved around when I could get a cigarette. Now I've moved on from that. I don't think about it on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I still get the cravings every once in a while. And they are particularly strong when I'm having a few drinks. Maybe it's too many memories. Maybe it's the feeling that since alcohol is a drug, and I'm doing drugs anyway, I might as well do one more.

I would also like to take this time to point out that these Anti-Smoking TV ads are the absolute worse thing possible for helping someone to quit smoking. If anything, they make me so angry I want to smoke a cigarette just out of spite. They show absolutely no empathy or compassion for what a smoker is going through. All they try to do is either gross you out, or make you feel like an idiot. And dems fightin' words.

In the end, I have come a long way. I have made a great accomplishment. I am much healthier than I've been and I'm saving a lot more money than I have in the past. That is something to be proud of. That is a victory. The struggle continues. And I won't always win every single battle. But for those of you who think that one setback wipes out all of the efforts of the past year and a half, I have this to say to you: 1) Um, bite me. 2) Try to show a little freakin' support. 3) I can't think of a single, intelligent adult on this planet who thinks that being chastised is an effective behavioral deterrent.

And for my brethren out there who may be trying to give up the nicotine: Hang in there. It gets less difficult. It damn sure don't get easier, but it does get less difficult.