Why did I quit smoking?

It's actually been one year. One year to the day (give or take a week) since I have given up the dreaded tobacco. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that this is a huge freakin' deal. I mean huge. In fact, I'm gonna put it in all caps. HUGE. Why? Because not only did I love smoking, I was one of those types that REFUSED to quit. Would get angry at the mere suggestion. Was damn near political about it. Dare I say fanatical? I dare.

For those of you who don't know me. (Which is none of you since only my friends are reading) I'll give you a little background. I used to love to smoke. (If you couldn't tell) And when I say used to, I mean still do. I just love it. It smells great, tastes great, feels great. But above all else: It's just so fucking cool.

Let's face it. We all know it's cool. Fuck what those PSA's had to say. Smoking is cool. The way you hold a cigarette so delicately in your fingers. The way you flick the ash in just the right way as your walking so that it doesn't land on your clothes. The way you flick the butt of a freshly smoked cigarette in that cool, collected manner. I personally, loved to see how far I could flick it. I would also like to apologize for my gratuitous use of the word flick.

But smoking was more than just a cancer causing, black lung inducing addiction. Oh no. Far from it. It was a ritual my friends. Ritual. A well earned break after a hard 20 minutes of work. A wonderful treat after an arduous subway ride. A signal of approval for a particularly poignant scene in a well-crafted, independent film. Not to mention, the exclamation point to a magnificent feast.

Smoking was also a great bonding ritual. A way to connect with other people. Have a smoke with your friends. Step outside with the gang and have a nice conversation with the mutually exiled. Share war stories; peace stories; and, you guessed it, smoking stories.

So Bloggerman, if you loved smoking so much, why did you quit? Well Timmy, first off, you ask way too many questions. Secondly, I can tell that my girlfriend doesn't smoke. And while I didn't quit because of this fact, I actually quit because of this very fact.

When we first started dating, I made it clear that I was a smoker. I loved smoking and I was going to keep in that way. She was cool with that. However, when you don't smoke, cigarette smoke really bothers you. Being the sensitive, caring, considerate, and handsome boyfriend that I am, I would notice that my smoking made her uncomfortable. So, I would continue to smoke, but I would keep my distance. But then a strange feeling began to come over me as we grew closer and closer as a couple. (Fellas, get your barf bags ready. Don't say I didn't warn you.) As we grew closer together, I wanted to spend more time with her. I wanted to (here it comes) spend that time with her instead of smoking.

So we decided to move in together which would also mean that the smoking would have to go. But the good news was, the move would make it a lot easier to kick the habit. A habit like smoking is so bad because it's an addiction and a habit. It's completely ingrained in every aspect of your life. And the only way, for me, to break out of it was to change my life completely. (Bold is better that all caps isn't it)

I said goodbye to the smoking buddies and the cool, hazy aura that a freshly lit cigarette creates. I said goodbye to the smoke-marinated bachelor pad. But I also got to say goodbye to the hordes of people that accosted me for cigarettes. (One incident, I swore was about to turn violent) I also said hello to nicotine gum, night sweats for about three days, and dreaming about smoking. (That was fun)

In the end, I've been able to break the habit. More or less. It's still very difficult to fight some of the cravings. I can fight the, "after-meal smoke," the, "after-train ride smoke," the, "smoking with coffee smoke," but the, "hanging out at a bar while everyone else is smoking smoke," has taken a little more work. Which, by the way, is perfectly fine. Because one cigarette every other month, is was way better than a pack a day for about 20 years. Also, I've tried to quit in the past and the downfall of my last effort was that I would beat myself up when I broke down and smoked one cigarette. ONE! What's the big deal? Don't you judge me?

So like I said I'm doing a lot better now. I'm saving more money. I feel healthier. But best of all, I don't feel like I'm a slave to the tobacco. I used to, literally, plan my life around when I could get a smoke. Now, I tend to plan my life around what I want to do. I am my own person. I am free I tell you. I honestly think that smoking was contributing to my sense of limited thinking. Now that I've broken the habit, I'm open to all kinds of possibilities.

I've always thought that smoking was like a friend. (Yeah, I'm crazy. Didn't you read the last blog?) It was very comforting and soothing. I would calm me down during stressful times. Of course, I wasn't realizing that it was actually causing a lot of those stressful times. I had to become a new person to break it. And I like this new person.