Why did I put on all this extra weight?

For this week's blog I'm going to break two of my hard and fast rules. First off, it's actually going to be a pretty short entry. (Well, at least I'll try) Second, I'm actually going to discuss something that I'm currently experiencing as opposed to some past story that I can look on with some distance and perspective.

I discovered a couple of days ago that all of my jeans decided to rip at the same time. It's like they formed a union. They made some bizarre clothing pact that they would exit my life in the same unified manner in which they entered. Which was fine for me. No big deal. I would simply go to my favorite store in the world, Dave's, and buy new jeans.

Here's the thing about Dave's. It's been the only place in the city where I can actually pick and choose from a decent selection of pants. As many of you know, I am a giant of a man, towering over all of you little minions at a whopping 6'7". I'm also a fairly thin man and Dave's was the only store that could provide for my very particular needs.

But just the other day, I rolled into Dave's and grabbed my usual selection of jeans in the size that I've always worn. 36" waist and a 36" inseam. I found at least 3 pairs of jeans that fit my style. Unfortunately, when I went into the dressing room, they didn't seem willing to fit my ass.

It seems that over the past year or so, I've probably put on a good 20 pounds. And to be honest, not all of it has been rock solid muscle. Which actually should be a good thing. I've always considered myself a skinny guy and I've always hated that. For most of my life, I've been craving the ability to, "bulk up." Now I've done it. And you know what the funny thing is? It really doesn't make that much of a difference. Because I'm so epic in my proportions, a weight of 235 pounds just doesn't read as massive. But that's also a good thing because, over the past few years, I come to love my rather thinnish frame. (Yeah, I like to frequently switch my views on my self-image. What's wrong with that?)

But I'm digressing here. Let's go back to Dave's for a minute. So the 36"x36" jeans don't fit anymore. Fine. Let's just go up to the 38"x36". Okay, the selection is down to one. But that's cool. As long as they aren't tapered.(wink) I'll be fine at that size, right? Wrong. Turned out, those jeans didn't fit either. And they didn't even think about carrying jeans in a 40"x36". I had literally, outgrown Dave's.

So to be honest, I'm not really sure what is upsetting me more. The fact that I no longer have the ripped abs that my 24 year old body obtained so easily. The fact that I now may have to actually, "watch what I eat," and, "exercise." Or, could it be the simple fact that I no longer have my favorite store to rely on anymore. The one place in the world where I could just grab some pants, buy them, and go about my life.

I do, however, have to take a lot of other factors into consideration. For one thing, I did quit smoking. And when that happens, the body is naturally going to add weight. And I think 20 extra pounds is better than, oh, I don't know, lung cancer. Also, I am getting a little bit older. If I were an NBA player, I'd be coming to the end of my long and illustrious career. Lastly, I'm just not as active as I used to be. In the past I would naturally play basketball and Rollerblade simply because I was bored. Now I surf the web and see what new applications are on Facebook. (Activities that aren't necessarily known for burning calories)

But rest assured, my friends, of a couple of things. First off, even with the extra weight, I am still smoking hot. Secondly, I can still order jeans off the Internet and just patch up the old ones until they arrive. Lastly, I think that all of these little events have provided a nice little reminder of all the things that I used to enjoy. Things that I have gotten away from. Things that I want to get back into. I'm not just the edgy, creative, and boundary-pushing New York actor. I'm also, the multi-faceted, agile athlete. It's time to let that side of me resurface. Give me about a month or so and I'll be dunking on all of your punk asses. And I don't mean donuts.