Why do I meet such interesting people? (the exciting conclusion)

To be perfectly honest, I had never heard of Brittany Andrews before I met her. I had never seen a single one of her movies. I still haven't. But that doesn't mean that I haven't seen one or two adult videos in my lifetime. And since it's just you and me here, I'll go so far as to say that I'm quite the fan of the adult videos. (Or porn, if you want to be crass) I'll also go so far as to say that, since I am a huge fan, I went absolute ape-shit.

I must tell you my friends, I am simply not the type of guy that can just play it cool in the face of celebrity. Nor am I capable of keeping my mouth shut when I'm excited. I proceeded to bombard this woman with questions about the industry. Allow me to provide you with a few highlights from our little Q & A.

Me: "Have you ever worked with Ron Jeremy?"
Her: "Yes. He's a very cool guy."

Me: "Have you ever worked with Tera Patrick?" (Who I love)
Her: "Yes. She's a complete bitch. She needs to learn respect."
Me: "Ooooo"

Me: "Have you ever worked with Jon Dough?"
Her: "He is a complete cock-sucker."

Me: "Have you ever been on the Howard Stern show?"
Her: "Yes. Several times."

Oh, I went on and on. She was very open and cool. Brittany, my friend J, and I all were having a wonderful chat. It just seemed to be going so well. We laughed, we cried, we had a blast. But it wasn't all laughing and crying and blasting. There was a dark cloud looming on our wonderful little tea party.

All of a sudden, some playa-hatin' douche bag decides to joins us. And because porno chicks love attention, she proceeded to just welcome him into the fold. J, because he was, "so cool," did not feel the least bit threatened and continued with his game plan of cool playing. I, on the other hand, chose to fight back by being aloof, petulant, and snarky. Of course, because he was a complete douche, he was incapable of picking up on my intellectual mockings.

I was doing my best remain calm and tolerate the shit-head, but then he did the most unthinkable of unthinkables. This son of a bitch had the balls to ask me for a cigarette. I mean that is bullshit. Come, the fuck, on. There is no way I was going to allow this guy to not only crash my interview with an adult star, but also take one of my precious cigarettes. I had to take a stand then and there.

Unfortunately for me, the lovely adult film star interpreted my brave stand against douchyness as some sort of act of...oh...how shall I say...dementia. Suddenly, I became the bad guy. Me! The guy who brought her into that place. The guy who took her in off the street and treated her with nothing but kindness and respect. I was the asshole in this situation.

So, in another act of maturity, I stormed off is a petulant huff. (Hey, it was the best I could come up with at the time.) J decided to hang in there and keep up the good fight. I would also like to mention at this point that he completely decided to turn his back on me and side with the, "I was having dementia," argument. (I have long since forgiven him)

In the end, I was too immature, J just didn't have enough game, the douche bag was, well a douche bag, and our lovely Brittany Andrews went home alone. Without so much as a goodbye.

Now, I know what you all may be thinking. How can a three part story have such an incredibly lame ending? The answer is, I have no excuse. It's not easy coming up with topics every week. Someone suggested that I write about this incident and it seemed like a really good idea at the time.

But don't riot just yet. In these blogs I do have a penchant for a moral to my stories. Bear with me. I think the lesson here is that no matter what the situation is, if you see something that you want, you just have to go for it. Well, that doesn't really work. It's not like I really wanted to hook up with a porn star. I mean, if it had really come down to that, I don't think I could have really gone through with it.

I guess the lesson is, not everything is suppose to have a lesson. Maybe it's okay to just read a little something, have a good little laugh, and move on with life.

See you next time.